The Night Soil Repositor

If you've been gardening long, you've had this experience ...

You're digging through warm, perfectly mixed soil, running your hands through the dirt and compost, pleased with the great job you've done of preparing your bed, removing the rocks, mixing in the amendments. The soil is crumbly, soft, even, perfect and -- hey, wait a minute, what's this? An intriguing lump of clay? Hmmm, let's crumble it and .... Agggh! Oh No!! CAT TURD!!!

My cat, AKA The Night Soil Repositor, is the bane of many a gardener's existence in the community garden. He's over there all the time, strutting around like he owns the darn place, wizzing on lettuces and making special little deposits of treasure in fresh seed beds. I've heard people actively cursing him, and I will admit that I feel some shame and no little guilt when I hear, "That @#$% cat just @#$% in my radish bed!" As the offended gardener gets out the hose, I'm often tempted to explain that "no, you'll just encourage him -- he actually has a freakish attraction to water." But more often than not I keep my head down and my mouth closed while they attempt to spray him with a nozzle and then drop the hose and jump the fence as he charges their ankles. Who wants to take responsibility for that kind of freakish behaviour, after all?

But in the aftermath of one of these incidents, I often find myself trying to justify my cat's existence. Once in a while he's actually good company, lounging in the sun near me while I work. As long as I don't bare my ankels in a tempting way ("Hey, you were asking for it human. Look at the way you're dressed!) he mostly leaves me alone. And he does eat really gross bugs, like jerusalem crickets (urggh, is there any more hideous bug?).

For the most part, the cat and I have reached certain detente (a relaxation in strained relations or tensions) in the garden. I use bird netting to keep him off of the really sensitive areas of the garden, and in return he sprays only my potatoes, which is not so bad as the parts that we eat are safely stowed underground.

And when he really pisses me off, I just refuse to spray him with the hose.