Universal Laws of Cantankerous Carrot Behaviours

My carrots have finally come up. Well, sort of. Carrots are cantankerous little farts. I have found that, no matter how hard I try to spread their tiny seeds throughout the soil of a prepared bed evenly, 400 of them will come up in somewhere totally weird and 2 of them will come up where I thought I'd actually planted them. I believe this is due to two factors: The Night Soil Repositor (a.k.a. Evil Kitty, see previous entry), and Subclause A of the Universal Law of Cantankerous Carrot Behaviours.

Subclause A of the ULCCB states that, no matter how evenly you spread carrot seeds throughout a bed, they will shift as soon as you turned your back, giving you and your best laid plans the tiny carrot finger. Then two weeks later, after you have painstakingly watered and protected and tended the place where you THOUGHT you planted them, they'll come up in a completely inappropriate place, like in the middle of your garden path or directly underneath the dribbly bit of the hose bib.

This particular batch of carrots came up mostly where I planted them, but for some reason they're all crowded into about four square inches of a square foot bed. Next time I plant carrots, I think I'll pretend to be a carrot plant. I'll just hold the seeds over my head in hands and let the wind scatter them, with no care as to where they land (which is, let's face it, basically what the plant does). Subclause B Paragraph 27 of the ULCCB states that seeds scattered in this manner will pop up in a perfect row and need very little care. Go figure.